Name: Flying_Sassy

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Australia

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Reviewed by Flying_Sassy

Oh Brother, Where art the Writers for this Monstrosity?

Sunday night is the perfect movie night to finish off the week. Needing to relax after a hectic weekend and wanting a bit of entertainment; going to a movie could hit the spot.

When a friend suggested Australia with Hugh Jackman, I made the presumption it couldn't be that bad. Not having seen any adds for it, I took it to being a big budget crappy Hollywood style movie that can barely hold its head above water but is entertaining enough to shut my brain off for a couple hours.

BANG!! Right from the start this movie grabs you like an arthritic geriatric. Beginning with a big brawl in a rundown, wild west looking town, Hugh Jackman jumps into the overblown tough Ozzie character reminiscent of Crocodile Dundee yet with half the acting. Maybe someone should tell Hugh that the 80's are over and this has been poorly done before.

From here, this movie never grabs an identity. Not sure whether I am watching an epic, a serious love story, romantic comedy, or 'almost' children's movie except for all the gore. A lot of it didn't even make sense, like putting people in situations that have no business being there except for an excuse to kill them off. I don't think they gave the chimp, who wrote this, enough bananas.

Hugh's massively muscled, heaving, ripped body really shows that he has a tiny head. He's also extremely dirty and sweating like a hog the whole way through. Reminding me of Matthew McConaughey in, well, every movie I've ever seen him in. Nicole and Hugh try a kissing scene, but should have listened to Yoda, “Do or Do Not! There is no Try.” I would liken this to a couple trying to to kiss passionately while mouths still frozen from recent visits to the dentist. Sexy? Not so much!

Because this leans heavily on the corny side, one would be led to believe this is more for kids. WRONG!! There's a healthy amount of gore as well. One man gets run over by a herd of bulls and survives long enough for a cliché death. But his appearance after being trampled was so ridiculously gory, that it was comical and a chorus of giggles could be heard rippling through the theater.

After watching the movie end, the plot completely finished, no twists or turns left to figure out, the actual perfect spot to end; another hour of torture gets thrown in. Wrapping up a huge comedy of errors into three hours of my life that I will never get back. Most likely this movie was made to last the whole duration of a flight to Australia. Once bombs started falling on Darwin, the whole theater was praying for all the characters to die off.

I truly wonder what the writer was thinking about, having an old man dancing on a water tower for the last 30 minutes of the show. A first for me was when a friend leaned over and asked, “Do you have a gun?” This would leave me to say please don't go see this movie unless your a masochist.


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