This movie stunk, Michael Bay, megan Fox, the two lead guys, those robot twins, forget em all. Now that i got that out, let me constructively review this poopie pile. First off, let me say the first movie was okay, it wasnt amazing, but it was decent, this movie took the bullshit way too far though, and i'm going to break it down from start to finish. The intro scene was pretty cool, the visuals were nice and appealing to the eye, but there were so much darn explosions (Michael Bay) that i couldn't distinguish the transformers. Also, i hate those two army guys, whats the point of them, what do they do?, Were they even in the series? As movie progresses, it shows that the Sam dude and the Megan Fox chick got together, but they have a weird relationship. He's going off to college and his parents got a lot more weird, they make innuendos and flirt sexually and their dog humps everything, it's excessive and just plain stupid.
Sam's roomate pisses me off more than anyone else in the movie, he acts like he's known the main character all his life, and his whole alien love thing seemed off, also i know they were going for giving him the comedic relief role, but that failed hard, his lines were frantic and just off. SPOILER ALERT: Optimus dies at one point and we get introduced to the Super Racially Stereotypical Super Twins, these two were stupid as shit, they are the most superfluous addition to any movie franchise ever, this movie tried too hard.
We don't see a lot of the other transformers throughout the movie, it's centered mainly around Optimis and this fallen guy who is Megatron's boss. Anyway, Sam, Megan fox and Sidekick meet up with the greeseball douchebag agent guy from the first movie who chops meat now (THIS MOVIE GAGS). ANyway, now all fo a sudden he knows everything about transformers and alien and whatever, they go to some aviation museum, find an old transformer who tells them what they need to know and thus revealing to the viewer, the plot and objective of the movie. Let me tell you, the main plot is horrendous,
, some ancient transformer fuckers stole energy from suns and got power, but vowed never take a sun which a planet was dependent on, one said no to that and rebelled, then they used a generic, cliche device aptly named "The Matrix". To seal him away in Egypt. Now we get to one of the worst, drawn out sequences in Cinema history it's literally an hour of the heros running through the desert, it is bull. Skipping all the bull, that monstrosity of a transformer, his parents getting in the mix, reviving optimus, The Sam kid meets up with the two random military guys and revive optimis, he then goes super sayian and kills the Fallen with two punches.....shutastic. The movie was junk, the soundtrack was junk, the character were junk, the plot was horse poop and the future of this series is rancid.
No one has reviewed this movie, well i know why because no one has probably even seen this shit fest. As sad as it is It hurts me to saw i was one of the many many many few who have seen this made for DVD movie, so i have the duty to review it. Let me start off by saying this movie was produced and watched over by one of the great directors of our time, Quentin Tarentino who even gave Larry Bishop (Director) his blessings for this pile of waste. If you dont know who Bishop is, well don't feel bad i don't think anyone would, he's a Z-class actor who featured on a few shitty fucking tv shows and happens to be the son of Rat Pack member and comedian, Joey Bishop.
Let's get to the movie, Larry Bishop not only Directs, produces and writes Hell Ride, but he stars as the main role of "Pistolero" (Dumbass name) or Johnny Prez. The movie is riddled with bad puns, horrible dialogue,shitty cinematography, underdeveloped shallow characters and just a bad and unimaginative plot-line.
The story follows Orange tanned, big eye popping Pistolero and his biker gang the Victors which contain other characters such as The Gent played by Michael Madsen and Comanche played by Eric Labeouf and their gang of fuckheads. Basically, one of their members get killed the same way Pistolero's late girlfriend died years ago, and they have a funeral by throwing filled beer bottles on his casket.....what the fuck? One thing i realized in the beginning which relates to the horrible SFX in the movie, is when Pistolero, The Gent and Comanche destroy a trailer, it explodes and if you look in the background, the trailer is undamaged....wow, just wow.
Bishop's convos with his main squeeze (i forget her name), are absolutely asinine beyond belief, they drag on, the puns used are stupid like "take out that fire hose" and "I'm fire resistant", just awe me. Another little easter egg i realized is the constant use of the number 666, which relates to the rival biker gang the 666ers, led by shitty fuck Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones). I will say the scene where he explains the tale of his wing tattoos to the stripper is hilarious, but other than that, he's a fuck face just like everyone else in the movie.
Skipping all the bullshit, the 666 conversations, the stupid ass puns and Comanche peeing on everything he sees, the movie has the most anti-climatic end fight scene of all time. The 666ers and Billy wings and the remaining Victors meet up gang fight style, and the Gent literally takes his gun out and kills all of them in 5 seconds, then they all take turns torturing and killing Billy WIngs.
This movie makes me want to throw up, it is a disgusting roll of shit. I remember the first time i watched it, i stopped when the gent and pistolero started talking about route 6 at 6:pm ...bullshit. With a shitty plot, shitty characters, shitty dialogue, shitty scenes, shitty production and just an overall horrible horrible concept, it's no wonder this was one of the few movies banished away from the screens to dvds.